Marilyn's world 'fell apart' with one post. What happened next helped her heal

More funerals than birthdays: How grief taught this teenager about lifeBy Tessa Flemming for HeywireTopic:Grief Link copiedShareShare articleWARNING: Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are advised that this article contains images and names of people who have died. At 12, Marilyn had a devastating thought. "Wow, I really have to keep saying goodbye to all these people," she remembers realising. Marilyn, now 18, estimates she has attended more funerals than birthday parties. Often, she is in the front row for sorry business, the seats reserved for close family. It is an unfathomable scale of grief for most, and one Marilyn has endured mostly before adulthood. But the teenager is refusing to shy away from its weight. Her mourning journey has also brought her strength — and family. "Grief has shaped me so much, shaped me in ways that I could never imagine," she says. Marilyn holds onto the stories she hears about her mother. Marilyn as a young child with her mum. (Supplied) She was only five the day her mother died in their Darwin apartment. "I just wish I was old enough to actually get to know her personality," she says. "But I can tell that she was a very beautiful person, a beautiful human, and I'm so glad that she brought me into this world." There are moments from that day Marilyn does remember. Ringing Triple Zero to tell them what happened, speaking in English even though she mainly spoke Yolŋu Mata. "I remember my mum on a stretcher going down the stairs, them holding her," she says. "That was the last time I ever saw her." It was her first experience with loss, but grieving didn't make sense yet. "I never really understood what grief was like and what it really meant until I had lost a lot of more people around me," she says. At only a young age, Marilyn was forced to confront grief over and over. (Supplied) Her mother's four older sisters — Grace, Cheryl, Miriam, and Emily — all took Marilyn in. "They made a promise to my mum that they would all have some sort of part to look after me, and that's what they all did," she says. Not long after, her nanna and pop also passed away. "[My nanna] had a lot of impact on me," Marilyn says. Marilyn's nanna had a huge impact on her life before she passed away. (Supplied) Grief stung Marilyn hard, robbing her of self worth. But, amid the pain, also came unexpected joy. When one of her remaining aunts started getting sick she arranged for Marilyn to go to a foster family. The move from the home she knew was confusing at first. Marilyn remembers the day the foster care worker buckled her into the car, promising a McDonald's trip. "I sat there and I said to her, as we were driving out, 'where are you taking me?,'" she says. She nervously gripped onto the Happy Meal box as the car pulled into a new driveway. Jill (left) has been Marilyn's foster mum for more than 11 years now. (Supplied) There she met her foster mother, Jill, who called out for three boys: Jacob, Kayden and Thomas. "I don't know what I'm doing here, but I'll give it a go," she says. The three boys immediately took Marilyn under their wing. "I usually refer to them as my brothers because they are," she says. Marilyn joking around with her brothers Thomas (far left) and Kayden (centre). (Supplied) Her eldest brother Jacob, in particular, became her "best friend" and "protector". "Jacob, man, he was the type of person that he could walk into a room and everyone would feel his presence," she says. "When you met him you would definitely be like, 'yeah he's my new friend.'" Eleven years older than Marilyn, it was Jacob who took Marilyn and her brothers on fishing trips and outdoor adventures. She became better known as 'Aunty Moo' to his kids. "He loved just hanging out with us," she says. "I loved having him as my oldest brother." Jacob (right) relaxes with Marilyn. (Supplied) At 14, Marilyn was in boarding school in Perth — and at one of the rare birthdays she was invited to. She grabbed her phone in the few seconds spare between games. Her brother Thomas had posted a new Snapchat story. "It was a little passage saying: 'I'm going to miss you so much my brother'," she says. "And it was a picture of my oldest brother." "Is this a joke? Is this for real?" she asked. Marilyn's foster mother told her Jacob had died following a motorcycle accident. "That was the moment I felt like my whole life fell apart," she says. Marilyn and her brothers at the site of Jacob's memorial. (Supplied) Mourning had been Marilyn's near-constant companion, but Jacob's death was different. "The feeling of losing a brother is something that I really don't wish upon my enemy or anyone," she says. Marilyn remembers Jacob as an outgoing, kind, and an open-hearted man. (ABC News: Leah White) A distraught Marilyn returned to her family in Darwin, even though everything had changed. She found writing things down expressed how she felt when speaking couldn't. Thomas

Marilyn's world 'fell apart' with one post. What happened next helped her heal

Key takeaways

More in international