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Realistic High-School-Yearbook Inscriptions

The New Yorker · May 18, 2026, 10:00 AM · Also reported by 1 other source

Key takeaways

  • Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez Save this story Save this story Save this story Save this story Abby!
  • You will read this once this afternoon and not again until you’re in your fifties, but, by that time, I will have already died, alone in my apartment, totally nude, except for my ankle monitor. —Jacky Jack Jack!
  • Remember me when you’re unhappily married and still running the family business due to your fatal lack of ambition. —Rachey

Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez Save this story Save this story Save this story Save this story Abby! I can’t believe we did it! Four years went by like that! Will you promise to keep in touch?! Let’s see each other once or twice this summer and then not again for about fifteen years, when we’re both staying at a serviceable two-star resort that’s just fine with allowing small children fighting a horrible stomach bug to play in the pool. —❤️Missy

You will read this once this afternoon and not again until you’re in your fifties, but, by that time, I will have already died, alone in my apartment, totally nude, except for my ankle monitor. —Jacky Jack Jack!

Hey, girl! Remember me when you’re unhappily married and still running the family business due to your fatal lack of ambition. —Rachey

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