The Hats of LessOnline

It is currently the evening after day two of Less Online 2026. I wish to document one popular topic of discussion among Less Online attendees: golden hats. My girlfriend Celene has collected four golden hats and maintained possession of them until the end of the day, and she has graciously permitted me to study them and share my findings with all of you.Celene, wearing four golden hats. The four hats, laid out on a cushion in the second floor of Aumann Hall Though the four hats appear very similar, they can all be distinguished from each other. We will describe each of the hats in Celene’s current possession in detail.Specimens 1A and 1BI have chosen to group these two hats together, as they are the two most similar hats.Specimen 1A and Specimen 1B are externally almost indistinguishable from each other. They both have a shiny rim and an “Eliezer’s Hat” label. The clearest distinguishing factor is that Specimen 1A has a positively-sloped (down-left to up-right) label, while Specimen 1B has a negatively-sloped label.On the inside—specifically on the side opposite the “Eliezer’s Hat” label—these hats contain a tag identifying them as members of Batch No. U8510 of the adult sized golden top hats produced by Dress Up America. They were presumably ordered from this Amazon listing.These hats can be easily distinguished by observing their interior. Specimen 1A has a “Decoy” label with the text moving away from the Dress Up America tag, while Specimen 1B has the “Decoy” text moving towards the Dress Up America tag.Specimen 2Like Specimens 1A and 1B, Specimen 2 contains an “Eliezer’s Hat” label on the outside and a “Decoy” label on the inside.Specimen 2 can be distinguished from the other hats because it is the only hat with a matte yellow brim, compared to the shiny golden rim of the other hats (which can actually sometimes appear more silver on a close inspection). It also has the most lopsided “Eliezer’s Hat” label of the bunch.The “Decoy” label on Specimen 2’s interior is not