The Alignment Coin

If the alignment problem was a coin, the heads would be the 'alignment with what' side. If 'both' sides were clean, would you lick that coin? (If offered by a dirty hand?) I'm a sucker for metaphors, so I would like to present a story about a guy I fell in love with, a postmodern poetry, seemingly unrelated topic. Imagine an aligned AGI loves you, the whole you, in a way you cannot understand.Spending a month around alignment researchers, the good old question of whether a scaled up human mind would be safer than a shoggoth came up (once or twice). People believe they know their own minds? The mind of the "average" human? Mine?I'm into smart, competent, boys. I knew I was destined for trouble the moment I spotted an athletic demigod solving a 5-sided rubik's cube. Juggling 7 balls to the music of Don't Fear The Reaper (Bella Poarch). Organizing chess tournaments. Wrapping up an article from previous fellowship where he was a project lead. Devouring a plate of pasta. Falling asleep in the common room after running a half-marathon; with a death grip on his glasses. With a hole in his sock and a toe sticking out. Wearing a pullover that failed to hide the hickeys he got on the way to a music club and never getting there. Unwashed hair smelling so good. Red marks on his chest peeking from under his bathrobe indicative of just having had a hot shower (with a telltale calmness in his face, without the usual hauntedness of his daydreams). Looking at me? Not with his dominant eye, and reportedly he doesn't experience stereoscopic vision.We explored the abandoned factory. The escape room. Cellars under the castle. Looked for the secret tunnels in the woods too. I showed him the literal third way when he already went both directions along the road by the fields.Painfully aware he was heterosexual, I made sure by complimenting his mini-shorts and I asked if he needs a massage -- the message not only didn't land, the magisterium was so non-overlapping he didn't even mind that I