'He hid the a la carte menu': Who should pay on the first date

ShareSaveAdd as preferred on GoogleYasmin RufoBBCFew topics divide opinion quite like who should pay on a first date. Ask a group of friends and you'll likely get a dozen different answers. Some insist the bill should always be split equally, others believe the person who sets up the date should pay and despite changing attitudes towards gender roles, many still see a man picking up the bill as a romantic gesture rather than an outdated tradition. With cocktails regularly topping £15, restaurant bills climbing and many keeping a close eye on their budgets, even a casual evening out can quickly become expensive. Adults across the UK spend more than £111 per month on dates and dating apps, equating to more than £1,300 per year, according to research from Barclays in 2025, For under 30s in particular, cost is a great barrier as over half of Gen Z adults feel the expense impacts their ability to go on dates. Jennifer Read-Dominguez, a digital editor who is currently single, believes whoever asks for a first date should be prepared to pay for it. She says women "can absolutely foot the bill themselves but that's not the point". "Sometimes it's nice to take a step back from always being the one making decisions and simply enjoy feeling feminine and being looked after." For her, a man paying on a first date is not about dependence or inequality but "effort and keeping some traditional gestures alive in modern dating". Jennifer says the amount spent matters far less than the thought behind it and she'd be just as happy being taken to a fast-food restaurant as a high-end one, but it's important that it's "within their means." She went on one date where a man took her to an expensive restaurant, complained about the cost and suggested they split the bill. When his card failed, Jennifer ended up paying for the entire meal. "He said he'd pay me back, but he never did. I could afford it, but that's not the point." The experience left her feeling taken advantage of. "I think he assumed I'd simply absorb the cost and I did but I felt used." Yasmin El-Saie is a content creator from London who says she would be "put off if a man expected us to split the bill on a first date". "When a man pays, he's showing he wants his date to feel comfortable and looked after," she says. "Maybe it's a double standard and down to my upbringing, but I still find it attractive." That doesn't mean she expects men to pay for everything - if a date continues elsewhere, she is happy to contribute. "If he pays for dinner and we go for drinks afterwards, I'd happily get the drinks. I wouldn't want anyone to feel used." One memorable date involved a recent divorcee who was determined to keep finances separate. The pair went to a buffet restaurant where diners were charged according to the number of food sticks they accumulated throughout the meal. "He spent the whole evening holding onto his sticks to make sure they didn't get mixed up with mine," she says. On another date, Yasmin says: "A man picked me up in his Porsche and I assumed we were going for drinks before dinner. Instead, he rushed us straight to the restaurant so he could get the early-bird deal and I saw him hide the à la carte menu when we arrived." Jamie Rutter, 32, who works in finance, says clear communication is more important than sticking to a rigid rule. "As a queer person it can get confusing because you don't have those traditional expectations around who should pay," he says. "My view is that if I ask someone out, I expect to pay. If they ask me out, I'd go in expecting to pay my half." Jamie says having become more conscious about his finances in recent years, he's very upfront on a date about what he can and cannot afford. "If someone suggested somewhere expensive and it was outside my budget, I'd just be honest and suggest a different place." He prefers a coffee and a walk for a first date "where you can actually get to know someone" rather than dinner which "can feel a bit like an interrogation". One of his most memorable dates involved a man taking him on a picnic and "he'd arranged for a restaurant to prepare a three-course meal in a hamper and paid for everything in advance so there wasn't really even a bill to discuss." Not every expensive date has been such a success and Jamie recalls a cocktail bar date where he spent a "ridiculous amount of money", only for there to be no connection. "It wasn't a bad date, it just didn't lead anywhere. But I'd suggested it, so I went in expecting to pay." Whatever the circumstances, Jamie says he will always offer to split the bill "regardless of whether I want to see them again".

'He hid the a la carte menu': Who should pay on the first date

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